Things better than being shot in the face...

Closure

2009-06-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

It looks like FACEBOOK has deleted the original "Not Being Shot in the Face" fanpage. I suspect one of the copycat pages (there are two) reported it to Facebook, and it was subsequently deleted. Apologies to the over 400,000 users that signed up, this was out of our control.

As such, the blog is being closed until further notice.

Issue #5

2009-05-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

The Facebook page is growing like wildfire - 5 weeks and we're past 250,000 already. It's good to see some readers commenting below in the last issue, hopefully more will join in. Some very entertaining things to share this week.

FILM: Frontier(s)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0814685/

Horror films from France have been among the most twisted and perverse in recent years. Films like Martyrs, L'Interieur (Inside), Haute Tension and Calvaire are notorious in the horror community, and rightfully so. Xavier Gens' Frontier(s) not only fits nicely in this list, I believe it's the strongest film of them all (I'm aware of being in the minority with this opinion). Intense from start to finish, and a somewhat fresh take on the "psycho-backwoods-family" sub-genre. It rides the line between fun and uncomfortable much better than any title on the above list. The film takes itself a little less seriously than the others, and is a more satisfying experience as a result. Check it out, if you have a strong stomach:

TV: The Venture Bros.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417373/

A word of warning, for like-minded individuals: this WILL become an obsession. Animated television's best kept secret, Adult Swim's The Venture Bros. is on a whole other level compared to most TV comedy. Tailored almost specifically for the "geek" crowd, but still broad enough to make the average person laugh. Consistently smart and memorable, and really coming into it's own during the second season. Check out some sample stuff below, then go back and start with the first season (fourth season starts this fall!):

BOOK: The Dark Tower Series (by Stephen King)

Many of the people who criticize Stephen King have never read The Dark Tower. Comprised of over 4200 pages, spread out over 7 books, and crossing over into at least 15 of King's other novels, The Dark Tower story is epic in scope. Start with book 1: The Gunslinger, but don't give up, even if you feel you aren't into the story. Personally, the story didn't really take off for me until halfway into the second book, The Drawing of Three. The first book only skims the surface of what lay ahead, as the characters travel through time, space and dimension throughout the highly-addicting narrative. It's clear that these books are King's masterworks, and become even more personal in the three volumes written after his near-fatal car accident. He weaves this universe into so much of his work, and it has influenced other artists for decades - eg. JJ Abrams show Lost is heavily Dark Tower influenced (no surprise here: JJ now has the movie rights).

MUSIC: The Devin Townsend Band
http://www.myspace.com/devintownsenddtb

Metal fans know Devin Townsend as the insane frontman of the now defunct Strapping Young Lad. Brace yourself kiddies: that is only one of his musical personas. For those that like their music a little less brutal, and a whole lot more progressive, The Devin Townsend Band is going to dominate your playlist. Out of the many albums released, I personally like "Terria" and "Synchestra" the best, but they are all well worth a chance. Also be sure to check out Devin's bizarre concept album Ziltoid: The Omniscient.

UP AND COMING: The Eternal
http://www.theeternalmovie.com/

Ah, vampires. In my youth, vampires and I were all cool. The vamps of Near Dark, Fright Night and From Dusk Till Dawn were great fun. Now, we have Twilight and the romanticized version made popular by Anne Rice defanging one of our most interesting monsters. Every time I hear about a new vampire movie, I think "why bother?". Then I read about The Eternal on a horror site I frequent, and am looking forward to it. As far as I can tell it hasn't even been shot yet, but the story is at least interesting: a vampire becomes tired of living and wants to die, but wants to go down fighting. There's also a graphic novel prequel being written and a low-budget short film called Ending The Eternal that is supposed to take place before the movie. You can check out the graphic novel preview here, and the short film below (or here):

Ending The Eternal

YOUTUBE: Transforminators & Lady Terminator

This week's Youtube is Terminator themed. First up, we have a brilliantly-cut trailer for "Transforminators":

Next is a bizarre clip from the Indonesian "film" Lady Terminator:

Finally, while we're on the topic of things better than being shot in the face, we can't forget rolling luggage. Rolling luggage is the bane of my existence. It doesn't matter where I am - airport, transit, grocery store - I always end up behind it. To me, rolling luggage is the yuppie equivalent of pulling a spikey-ball on a chain behind you everywhere you go. People with rolling luggage don't pay attention to it, and it becomes a rolling hazard. At the very least, it slows you down considerably and makes it difficult to estimate where it is safe to step in front of you. At the most, you trip and fall, maybe in front of a train. Better than being shot in the face, sure. But only slightly.

Until we write again!

Issue #4

2009-05-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday, and what better way to mark that than with another issue? The Facebook page is past 100,000 people now, so hopefully a few of them are reading this blog.

FILM: The Good, The Bad, The Weird
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0901487/

I will often look to Asian film to see something entirely new, and I'm rarely disappointed. Sometimes I'll catch a film so entertaining and inspiring that I'll have to systematically hunt down all of that director's past work, to see if lighting struck twice. Korea's Ji-Woon Kim is such a director, and this is definitely such a film. A bizarre, action-packed hybrid of western and comedy, the film follows 3 bandits as they fight over the possession of a treasure map (which is also being pursued by Mad Max-styled desert pirates and the Japanese army). Fans of Korean film are bound to recognize lead actor Kang-ho Song (The Host, Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance), and he puts in another entirely engrossing performance here. What really got to me was the scope of the film, and the absolutely-insane stuntwork on display. This flick will have you on the edge of your seat, grinning like a school-kid, and laughing yourself to the floor in equal doses. If you like this, make sure you check out two of the director's past films: A Bittersweet Life and A Tale of Two Sisters. Check out the trailer below (it's in Korean, but enjoy the pretty images):

TV: Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1299897/

If there was any justice in the world, Adult Swim's brilliant pilot Korgoth of Barbaria would have been picked up for a full series. Unfortunately, that isn't the case. Luckily, Comedy Central's Krod Mandoon came along and filled the gap (if only slightly). At times the show can be a little too low-brow for my tastes, but for the most part it's consistently hilarious, with Matt Lucas stealing every scene he's in as the bumbling but evil Dongalor. If you are a fan of early Zucker Bros., Monty Python, and general slapstick humour, you owe it to yourself to see this series. Check out the trailer below:

BOOK: Cat's Cradle (by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.)

To many, Vonnegut is an author that needs little introduction. A legend in post-modern fiction, and the inspiration for countless artists that came later, Vonnegut's writing is extremely hard to classify. While most of his books are very good, Cat's Cradle is among his strongest work. While writing a book about what important Americans did the day Hiroshima was bombed, the protagoist of Cat's Cradle becomes involved with the children of Felix Hoenikker, a fictional physicist that helped develop the bomb. He ends up with the family on a Carribean island named San Lorenzo, in which the exclusive religion of Bokononism is practiced, and a dictator runs the country with brutal control tactics. The story is many things, but mainly it's a criticism of organized religion and government, mass-psychosis, and the depths of human-selfishness, even when the fate of the entire world is at stake. To say more would spoil it for the reader. This book is highly recommended.

MUSIC: Polkadot Cadaver
http://www.myspace.com/polkadotcadaver

Don't let the name throw you, this is well-worth the listen. Comprised of members of the criminally under-appreciated (and now defunct) band Dog Fashion Disco, these talented musicians have only one goal in mind - to make good music. To that effect they throw everything but the kitchen sink into their unclassifiable debut album, Purgatory Dance Party. Weaving seamlessly through elements of rock, metal, R&B, acoustic-balladry and much more, this album defines progressive. If you like what you hear, definitely check out their live show if they come to your area - you won't regret it.

UP AND COMING: The Road
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0898367/

For me, this is one of the most anticipated films of the year. The book, by Cormac McCarthy (No Country For Old Men), is one of the best things I read last year. Add to that a director that made the great western The Proposition, a phenomenal cast, music by Nick Cave & Warren Ellis, and we have a recipe for what I hope will be a very memorable cinematic experience. The trailer below definitely seems faithful to the source material, though they do play up the action a lot more than I expected:

YOUTUBE: American Suicide

The sketch-comedy show The Whitest Kids U Know can be hit and miss at times, but one thing they aren't is restrained. This is a clip from a recent episode, and fits the shot in the face theme perfectly. It's also hilarious:

BONUS: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
http://www.smbc-comics.com/

As an added treat this week, I have to spread the word about this absolutely twisted web-comic. Click the link above for hundreds of comics that make The Far Side look like Family Circus. Here's a sample:

While we're on the topic of things better than being shot in the face, how about this: Hepto-macrophelia. Loosely defined, it's the fetish built around sexual desire toward Godzilla and other giant lizards. Macrophelia is just giants (like the Japanese crushing videos). I suppose that would mean Mecha-Hepto-Macrophelia is wanting to fuck Mecha-Godzilla. And Mecha-Macrophelia is the desire to violate a Transformer. Optimus Prime-piece-of-ass. In any case, probably better than being shot in the face.

Until next week, stay bullet free! Or at least get some free bullets.

Issue #3

2009-05-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

Another (luckily, bullet free) week has passed. It's now time for Issue #3.

FILM: Not Quite Hollywood
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0996966/

An extremely-entertaining documentary detailing the 40 year history of "Ozploitation", an Australian-based film movement known for it's edgy and over-the-top content. There is not a dull moment as filmmakers and artists from around the world tell the story of this genre, showcasing some of the weirdest and most insane moments from films that very few have seen. At the very least, you'll leave this film with a long list of other movies to track down and experience, most notably (to me) Razorback, Long Weekend, Mad Dog Morgan, Roadgames, Stone and Turkey Shoot. Check out the trailer:

TV: Ideal
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417332/

With the fifth series now beginning, it's never been a better time to discover or get caught up with Graham Duff's bizarre British TV show Ideal. The show follows the daily life of Moz (Johnny Vegas), a small-time pot dealer who rarely leaves his apartment. Instead, the insane and surreal world he lives in comes to him, in the form of a quirky (and at times terrifying) cast of characters with names like Cartoonhead, Psycho Paul, F.I.S.T. and Stemroach. Although it can be classified as a "comedy", this is clearly not a show for everyone. It goes to very dark places, doesn't pull a single punch, and will make you uncomfortable as often as it makes you laugh. As with a lot of British TV, the humor is very dry and subtle, but well worth a look. Check out a couple of sample scenes below (out of context, of course):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9-mIt7BV1k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXGCCEj45oI

BOOK: A Dirty Job (by Christopher Moore)

This one is simple: you have to give Christopher Moore a try. He writes like a mutant combination of Douglas Adams and Kurt Vonnegut, if they both had a more-than-average taste for the supernatural and the occult. A Dirty Job is a great place to start. After Charlie Asher's wife dies, his life changes forever. He's left to raise his daughter as a single parent, people suddenly begin dying all around him, and sinister voices start to speak to him from the sewers. Somehow, Charlie has become Death. The book is generally funny and exciting, but balances the humourous with moments of deep personal loss and emotion. It's a great read, and should drive you to track down the rest of his books (there are 10 more).

MUSIC: Opeth
http://www.myspace.com/opeth

This Swedish metal band has been around since 1990, having written nine albums to date. Clear classical music influence and beautiful melody mixes with crushing riffs and growling vocals, creating a highly-dynamic experience for the listener. Most of the songs clock in at an epic 10 minutes, and are composed with both high technical skill and a truly progressive mindset. All of their albums are worth a listen, with Blackwater Park and Ghost Reveries being my personal favorites. If you aren't a metal fan, you should still check out their entirely melodic album Damnation.

UP AND COMING: Doghouse
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1023500/

This looks like pure fun, plain and simple. I really liked director Jake West's film Evil Aliens, and greatly look forward to this upcoming British horror-comedy. Check out the trailer below:

YOUTUBE: Prison "Thriller" & Japanese Nic Cage Commerical

This week the Youtube section is a double-feature. First up, we have a "classic" that most people have already seen:

Second, we have a trippy Japanese commercial starring Nicholas Cage:

While we're on the topic of things better than being shot in the face, how about this: American Dad........... no, wait..... this is a tough one. Probably the closest call we've had to date. Come to think of it, that bullet is looking better by the second.

Until next week, stay projectile free!

Issue #2

2009-05-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a week, which means it's time for the second installment of "Things better than being shot in the face". The Facebook fanpage has grown exponentially since the last post, which is great. Lots of cool things to talk about this time.

FILM: Special
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479162/

One of the most unique films that nobody has seen. Special stars Michael Rapaport (True Romance, this season of Prison Break - which we won't hold against him) as a man that enters an experimental clinical trial, testing a new form of medication. He suffers a psychotic reaction to the meds, and begins to believe he has gained super-powers. It really is a testament to the talent of Rapaport and the crew that this film treats the material as well as it does, for this story could have been played off for easy laughs, but goes in a much less predictable direction. Dark humor mixes with real emotional resonance, allowing the film to leave a truly lasting impression on the audience. See it, if you can find it.

TV: Party Down
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073507/

We're going through what can only be called a comedy renaissance at the moment, and a unique one at that. Add to this the fact that most of today's top comedians are in some way tied or connected, through past work and constant collaboration, and we've had the privilege of seeing some great comedy flood the marketplace. Party Down is a new series on Starz, created by Rob Thomas (Veronica Mars), and featuring a mixed cast of favorites from Judd Apatow properties and a personal favorite of mine, MTV's The State. The cast is lead by the always reliable Ken Marino, and is rounded out by familiar faces to anyone following these now well-known performers (Jane Lynch, Martin Starr, Lizzy Caplan, Adam Scott). It's crass, entertaining, and most importantly, hilarious. You can watch the entire pilot episode for free below (it's been cut a little for the web):

BOOK: World War Z (by Max Brooks)

With "Swine Flu" on everyone's mind lately, I can't think of a more topical book. Sure, it's a fictional "oral history" taken 10 years after a massive worldwide zombie outbreak, but the story it tells seems horrifyingly familiar to anyone following the news at the moment. Replace "African Rabies" (as the zombie infection is first called in the book) with "Swine Flu" as you're reading, and you will see exactly what I mean. The book itself is written to be almost too real: through the accounts and stories told during interviews with people from all over the world, in both the government and private sector, it's almost as if writer Brooks actually does live in an alternate reality in which zombies exist, and have wiped out of most of the world's population. Everything is researched and mixed with real world history - the responses taken by various world governments, and the tactics used to profit from the disaster by the pharmaceutical companies - are particularily believable. Read this, you will enjoy it.

MUSIC: Faith No More
http://www.myspace.com/faithnomore

I'm going to guess that for a large number of you, I'm preaching to the converted. At one point in time, Faith No More was one of the largest bands in the world. For everyone else, or those that haven't listened in a while, you owe it to yourself to check out one of the most unique bands to hit popular music in the last 30 years. Although there are a few good tracks on the two albums prior to now legendary-frontman Mike Patton joining the band, the four albums made with him are sheer audio bliss. My personal favorites are King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime and Angel Dust, but all are worth a listen. It's extremely difficult to classify this band, so I won't even try. All I will say is that if your music tastes lean toward the eclectic, you should definitely check out the band that inspired so much of the unique music that came later. With a reunion tour mounting this year, now has never been a better time.

UP AND COMING: Treevenge
http://www.treevenge.com/

Some people may know of indie director Jason Eisner from his grindhouse trailer Hobo With A Shotgun, which won the Tarantino/Rodriguez Grindhouse competition and was attached to prints of the film in Canada. He's been making a big splash at film festivals lately with his newest short film, Treevenge, which forwards the hilarious concept that to Christmas trees, our "most magical time of year" is actually a holocaust. In the short, the trees get fed up with the atrocities perpetrated against them, and fight back. It's funny, gory, and absolutely insane. If you get a chance to see this, don't hestitate for a second - it's the most entertaining 20 minutes you'll see for some time. Check out a sample scene below:

YOUTUBE: Philips Carousel Commercial

This is simply mind-blowing, and contains multiple things being shot (though none in the face, at least not that I can see). In terms of technical accomplishment, it's really something to behold:

While we are on the topic of things better than being shot in the face, let me suggest this: brain aneurysms. Both make you just as dead, but at least with a brain aneurysm you don't see it coming.

Until next week!

Issue #1

2009-04-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

As an addition to the facebook page I'm going to be bringing a column (which will at least be attempted weekly) describing a number of things that are better than being shot in the face. This opens us, again, to a broad number of subjects. This is the first "issue" (what is the technical term for review blogs, anyway?).

FILM: Surveillance
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0409345/

I saw this film last year at a film festival. Currently it's set for limited theatrical release on June 26th. If you are in any way a fan of twisted, dark thrillers, then this is highly recommended. A great cast including Bill Pullman, Julia Ormond, Michael Ironside and Hugh Dillon all act circles around eachother in what seems like a fairly straightfoward thriller, yet is anything but. The biggest surprises to me are the performances by two normally comedic actors - French Stewart (3rd Rock From The Sun) and Cheri Oteri. Stewart in particular is so creepy the role itself could remake his career. A warning though: this is directed by David Lynch's daughter, and it gets very weird. Check out the trailer below:

TV: The Inbetweeners

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220617/

British TV series that regularily has me on the floor laughing. Four socially awkward high-schoolers in Britian continually screw up their social spheres and get into more trouble than they intend. It's crass as hell, non-stop funny, and has a twisted sense of what I like to call "collision humor". It's the tactic shows like 'Curb Your Enthusiasm', 'Seinfeld', 'Arrested Development' and 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' use - making seperate character arcs collide into one huge punchline toward the end of the episode. Sort of working the comedy in layers until it all comes to a (in this case rather uncomfortable) head. Really worth a watch. The only thing that can sometimes get on your nerves is the narration. Here's a link to a sample scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bthYce-LsNQ

BOOK: Florida Roadkill (by Tim Dorsey)

This is the first Tim Dorsey book I read (I believe he has ten now), and is the first written by him. Think Hunter S. Thompson meets Chuck Palahniuk with a splash of Dashall Hammet. He writes Florida like a festering cess-pool of corruption, crime and drugs. But somehow, it's hilarious. At first it's difficult to keep track of all of the characters, but after a while the constant perspective shifts weave together seamlessly. The story is twisted, and centers around a briefcase containing $5 million dollars being pursued by a sociopathic tour-guide named Serge A. Storms (with an enyclopedic knowledge of Florida and just about every psychological trait listed in the DSM4). It's violent, it moves like a rocket, and it should leave you hungry for the next book, the direct sequel Hammerhead Ranch Motel.

MUSIC: Giant Squid - The Icthyologist
http://www.giantsquidlives.com/

This is a great album, plain and simple. Even if you don't like metal, the genre this record most closely resembles, you should give it a try. It is at times very heavy, but mostly it's just extremely well written music. Numerous instruments outside of standard "metal" are used - cello, horns, sax, clean female vocals mixed with a growling frontman highly reminiscent of Serge from System of a Down. This is an album that should be listened to start to finish, to get as a whole piece of art. It's the kind of thing that the mp3 culture is making harder to find - a full concept that exists stronger as a whole, and not just a sum of it's parts. Highly recommended.

UP AND COMING: Blood River
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1137999/

This is the newest film by indie director Adam Mason (The Devil's Chair, Broken). I haven't seen it yet, but I greatly look forward to it. I thought 'The Devil's Chair' was a refreshing take on horror, and a nice mindfuck of the audience's expectations. 'Blood River' looks like a nicely twisted thriller, which I do enjoy. Check out the trailer:

YOUTUBE: Lego 'Silence of the Lambs' Musical

Yeah, you heard me right. Enjoy:

And finally, while we're on the topic of things better than being shot in the face, I submit this: testicular electrocution. Some may disagree with this (I'm looking at about 95% of the dudes reading this - the other 5% probably practice this to some degree for pleasure), but I think surviving testicular electrocution, as painful as it may be, is certainly better than being shot in the face. If only slightly.

Welcome

2009-04-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

By coming here I assume you have at least a somewhat healthy interest in avoiding the many setbacks associated with being shot in the face. Regardless of the projectile or delivery method, we recommend the projectile to face ratio in your life remain at a comfortable 0 to 1.

In all seriousness (of which there will be little), this is a place in which to discuss things better than being shot in the face. The goal is to cover a large range of topics. Lets see where this goes.